Finished..

I’m done.

I’m tired of crying, tired of trying.

Tired of trying to make sense out of all the bullshit and lies. Tired of worrying what they think. Tired of having to always be nice about everything, it’s bullshit, always has been bullshit and always will be bullshit. I’m finished.

This life is no longer mine to control. I gave it away the day I promised him I would stop cutting myself. The control is no longer in my hands…hell, it never has been. I was just so tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of wearing the skinnies and long sleeves. I wasn’t ashamed of my cuts. I never had been. But I couldn’t show them off. Though I would have loved to.

I just wanted a normal life.

Where did it all go wrong?

Why do I still cry myself to sleep at night? Why can’t I just let go and leave this god forsaken place? What the hell does anyone care if I’m here or not?

Oh, they can pretend, because God knows, that’s what they’re good at. Why do I still carry my irrational fears? Fears I know, that will never come true. He promised they wouldn’t. I believe him.

He’s saved me.

More than once.

I do believe he saved me from myself.

And no matter how through I am with this world and its bullshit and liars and fakes…I can’t bring myself to do it. He is the only thing keeping me here. Not like anyone would know, no one reads this anyways.

I’m tired. Just too tired to deal with it.

I am finished.

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~ by dcreature93 on July 9, 2010.

2 Responses to “Finished..”

  1. I feel like crying! Rachel, why haven’t you ever tried to talk to me? I’m reading every bit of your words, and all I can do is force the tears to stay inside. I really wish you would talk to me. Y’know what i’ll call you. right now.

  2. Well…..ya can eat meh popsicle of doom. :p
    I left it in the freezer.

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